2003-03-29 at 9:18 p.m.
Dad found out about my excursion last week, so I'm grounded. Except from church. Dad's making me go to church. I'm not sure that church is for me anymore. I'm not really sure about anything any more. Except that I'm still in love with Mike. I know he's still in love with me but there's this pride thing and it's hard to say "Mike, i was wrong." Then there's this guilt thing too. I feel dirty and guilty for doing what I did. I'm angry at myself and Zeth and yes, I messed up. I can't understand why God would have put me in that position. What was in it for Him?
I'll be honest. I'm mad at God. Why did He do that to me? I mean, I had an awesome boyfriend and then He put me in a position He knew I couldn't handle... then WHY DID HE DO IT? Maybe I should call Mike... No wait, Daddy took my phone away, and the only reason I have computer privileges is because you never know when I might need something for school. Tha's the only reason. So if he ever found out about me doing this, I'd have nothing, no tv, no computer, no phone, and no music. And I'd have to be at church more often. Tha's his idea of punishment. My mom is just making sure daddy doesn't go overboard *isn't this pretty harsh?* So unless I can find something to do dealing with school on the computer, this may be the only time I can write.