2003-04-29 at 9:29 p.m.
Mike took me to the theatre tonight. It was a variety show fundraiser for the new community center tha's opening in the next year. I almost auditioned for a part, but I decided I didn't know enough songs to touch people's hearts. I do know a few like "Getting to Know You" or part of "Think of Me". Most of these songs I've known for quite a while. My parents have a lot of old musical movies. My favorite is "My Fair Lady". I can sing a lot of songs like "I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night and still have asked for more..." But when it comest to songs I LIKE singing, I like old church songs, like "Amazing Grace".
At the theatre, he spent MONEY for the balcony. It was almost empty and no one really sat up there, but he requested it. He put his arm around the back of my chair while holding my hand on the arm rest. We sat their watching skits and listening to our parents music. I knew most of the songs... and Dianne didn't realize I knew "mares eat oat and does eat oats and lilambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too wouldn't you!" I'm like "Mom used to sing it to me at bed time, and I watched it on Lamb Chop's" I miss that show. Charlie Horse, Lamb Chop, HushPuppy, and the entire gang, but tha's ok. I've grown up with oldies. I love them.
Maybe the thing that got me the most was just twenty minutes ago. Mike told me he was leaving to go to college further south than what he'd planned. It would be a four hour drive it the traffic agreed. "Kenni, I don't know when you and I can get together now. Maybe we should just plan on not dating during that time. I don't want to hurt you, but just pray aout it." I looked at him and I could almost see tears in his eyes. It hurt him to say this and I knew this choice for college was for him. "Kenni, if we never see each other again, don't forget me. I hold you in my heart." With that he kissed me and I ran into my room and dug out my box that has all my hopes in it, and I took off my bracelet and stowed it away until I know that I can handle seeing it on my wrist knowing that Mike and I may not even get married.
Maybe I should just tell him that I don't want to hold him back from his dreams that God has given him, but when will I have the guts to tell him that I set him free from this relationship? His dream is to be a missionary, but how can he do that if I'm here in this town and he's off somewhere else. I don't know. This will all work out, I'm sure, but I just wish I knew how... NOW!