2003-05-01 at 6:21 p.m.
I broke up with him today. Just an hour ago too! I hurt so much, but I did what I know was best.
Let me back up a little, ok? Mike's dream has always been to go to college in Europe and to work in various youth hostels while at school. He wanted to go. That was his dream.
Well, we went out after school, just cruising and maybe going to Sonic to get a drink, or Chicken E for food, while listening to "Only Hope" which I sang, meaning every word, and he told me, "Kenni, I got to that college I applied to in Switzerland. I am about to write them and turn it down." The song chorus began to the song, So I lay my head back down. And I lift my hands and pray, to be only yours I pray, to be only yours I know now you're my only hope, and it was like God was telling me "Let go." I struggled with it, but it was like arm wrestling with Mike, I just couldn't win.
"Mike, you can't give this up! This is your dream!"
"Kenni, when I think of leaving, I hurt and it tears me up, but when I think of staying here, near you, I'm at peace. I know what God wants of me." He pulled in to the Sonic parking lot.
"Mike, don't give this up because of me." Tears were beginning to well up in my eyes as I thought about what I was going to do.
"But Kenni, I love you. I don't want to leave you!"
I looked straight in to his eyes and said, "I love you too, and that is why I'm letting go. God has blessed our relationship. Maybe we are meant to be together. But even if we aren't, you hold a very dear place in my heart." I took off my bracelet he'd given me just a few days ago and spoke softly yet deliberately, "I will not hold you back from your dreams, Michael. You much go and do what God has told you to do." I saw tears form in his eyes. "This belongs to you, Michael."
He collapsed in tears as the song ended. "Kenni, if God ever brings us to the same place again, I'll put this bracelet on your wrist again, where I know it belongs." He pulled out of the parking lot and took me home. It was an uncomfortable five minute drive. I hopped out and noticed the house was empty. Mike looked at me and I knew he wished he could take me out again and stop me from saying that. I did too! But there comes a time when one has to let go of what is loved the most. And I hurt now. I can't bring myself to call anyone, I just want to sit in peace, and cry. What will I do next year? It's my senior year and I'll not have a boyfriend, or even any really close boyfriends. My life has been filled with Mike and Sarah for the past several months. I knew that eight months was getting too long for me.