2003-05-16 at 9:47 p.m.
Today, I've been so lonely. How do I live without Mike? Plus, the word spread that I'd broken up with him and so I'm now "Michael Hater" and "HeartBreaker" and then people have come up to me and said "You broke his heart!" SO WHAT!?!?! How do you think I felt!? Mike was practically my LIFE!!! DON'T YOU THINK I HURT TOO????? This hasn't been easy for me. Somedays I really regret the breakup and I almost want to curse God, but I don't, and I didn't. I just prayed.
Sarah has helped me too. She's sat with me at lunch and makes me eat when I claim I'm not hungry, but she knows better. And she's at my house from 6 until 9 almost every night. And I think slowly, my heart is mending. Maybe, a small voice inside tells me, maybe, you did the right thing. I hope so.
Sarah told me "Kenni, you and Mike might not be meant for each other, but hey! God's so much better! Kenni, what if Mike was just a TASTE of what your future holds for you? What if you were found by a guy who is ten times better than Mike? Won't you be happy that you did give Mike up? And even if you are meant for Mike, this is a test of your love. Will you stay true or let some weasel change your heart? Kenni, you can do this and I'll be here for you. You know that." I wish I could just stop dwelling on the past.
Speaking of Sarah, she lost the baby. One day while visiting her parents, they threw her against the wall and she miscarried. Sad but true. But she's surviving. I admire her.