2003-07-05 at 11:42 a.m.
I just woke up. I couldn't sleep later, though I came in at four this morning. Paul's family, more than just his mom and dad, and his friends were the lake, and Paul had insisted I come. So I did, but my curfew was four fifteen, and we made it back to my house at four. I was getting kinda tired. We swam until about ten, then the water was too cold and it was time to go around setting off the fireworks. Paul grabbed my hand and we went around finding bottle rocket and setting them off. We saw someone running around gettting ready to leave, so Paul got a smoke bomb and put it on the way to that person's car. It was funny to see them flip out. Then after no more fireworks could be found, a band set up and played patriotic songs. I sat down in the grass looking at the stars and hearing the distant booms of fireworks, and then I saw a shooting star! "Make a wish" Paul said. I guess he saw it too. I closed my eyes and wished for, strangely enough, to have a boyfriend again, highly aware that I would be pulling a rebound romance. Then, he kissed me. I let him, I guess, but I was startled that he had kissed me. When he pulled away, he said "I got my wish." I smiled and said I'd have to wait for my wish. He put his arm around my shoulders. "Kenni," he said, "would you be more than friends if a guy asked you? Or is this dating thing against that too?" For a moment I just stared at him, etching his face into my memory.
"Paul," I said, after an uncomfortable pause on my part, "I'll have to think and pray on it, ok?" I knew I had just wished for that, but I really didn't know! I was so confused, my insides felt like they were trying to become my outsides, my brain hurt from thinking, and I guess I was just tired.
The band kept playing, but they played dance songs, and Paul pulled me up, as other people made their way to the "dance floor" and I danced the night away until three-thirty when Paul took me home.
So now, I'm confused. I like paul. I really really do, but what do I do now? Go out with him? or just stay friends. Dang. It's getting complicated.
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