2003-08-13 at 3:19 p.m.
Something is wrong with Paul, though I don't know what it is. I don't think it has anything to do with me, but I could be wrong.
It started the other day. He got a phone call on his cell, and he clammed up and wouldn't talk to me. I want to know what it is. I asked him what it was about and he shrugged it off. I hope he tells me soon though.
You see, I love him. I thought I loved Mike, and maybe I did, but Paul is so different. Paul respects me, he loves me, and he is nice to all my friends with and without me. He inspires me to talk about God, freely! Man, I love him.
And I saw Mike the other day. He was visiting his grandparents and I happened to be over there, talking to Sarah. At first, Mike ignored me, so I ignored him back, but then he started talking to me. "I heard you're going out with Paul now. Does that mean you are over me?" I felt hurt, a little, but it wore off when I realized Mike was hurt too. Part of me wanted to hurt him back.
"No, I'm not over you, Mike, but I am with Paul, now. I know this may be impossible, but can we be friends? We seemed to miss that step." I tried to sound as calm as I could but I wasn't that calm considering my past was in front of me!
"I don't see how we can. Oh, and by the way, I have a girlfriend too. She's twice the woman you were, or ever will be." I tried not to respond negatively to that. I got the feeling that by "twice the woman" he meant she slept with him.
"Well, I can't help it if you feel that way, Mike. But I'm happy with who I am. I have no heavy burdens to carry around with me, and I am happy being with Paul, or anyone who freely talks about God in a compassionate way." With that, Mike turned away and went back to his grandparents' living room while I stayed in the kitchen with Sarah. "I get the feeling he's no longer a virgin." Sarah's eyes went big, almost cold, like I'd insulted or angered her.
"I hope you aren't insinuating anything!" she said sharply.
"Sarah," I responded calmly, "I only mean that he's not happy with his girlfriend totally, like he wants to live with her or something thinking that will make him happy, and considering how he was at the end of our relationship, it wouldn't really surprise me. You are still my best friend, Sarah Marie!"
Relief swept over her like a cold tidal wave over the beach. She relaxed and we talked about other stuff like how she was reading this book and it was inspiring her not to date, but she did like someone. She wouldn't tell me who he was because she didn't know if he liked her. So I didn't badger her.
I had fun.
Oh, and Paul is online. Maybe I can weasel something out of him (but I doubt it!)
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