2005-01-20 at 2:40 p.m.
argh! I wanna kill diaryland!
Anyways. G and I broke up about six weeks ago. I wish I could tell everyone that I was fine and HUNKYDORY! But why lie? It got worse, trust me. You know how mike started living with this chick and she was pregnant and all that? Well, he moved out and is living with his grandparents at the moment. He's decided to go to a community college near home. His dad got remarried, to the girl he was living with, and it seems like they're happy.
but anyways, I see mike, and I go ballistic. I don't want to see him, period. I was in walmart over christmas break and I had to get some supplies for school knowing i'd have a full load. And he's there, looking at pens. I see sarah next to him. I hadn't seen her in ages. I stepped back and spied on them for a while. "Do you think she'd like this color?" he asked her pointing to a purple pen. "Yeah! She'd love it." Then they move over a couple of aisles to the stationary. I'm still "spying" because I want to know what they were doing there together. "Does she like strawberry shortcake?" he asked. "I don't know," sarah responded. "I haven't seen her in ages."
"Me neither. I messed up with her, and I want to make it right." I left. I didn't want to know anything else, so I went to software and looked at the computer games that'd be compatible with a Mac.... I couldn't stand being in walmart anymore, so stealthily, i left and bought the two notebooks and dividers I'd bought. Then I went to the lake. I needed to think. I mean, come on! I saw mike, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love him. i was angry and hurt and he broke my heart, but he still had a huge chunk of it, and my heart never healed. I looked at him and thought about my own mistakes with him and with guys, and it hit me. I need to write him.
I searched in my room for paper, and when I found it, i sat down, and wrote.
Mike,that was my letter. I put my university address on there so that he could write back if he decided to. Man, i miss him
I'm so sorry for the past. There have been times that I'd just been so stupid and didn't listen to God. I am so thankful that God allowed us to go out when we did. I know you've already forgiven me for Zeth, but I still feel really bad about it. You never deserved to date me. I'm anything but worthy.I noticed you were back in town. part of me wants to run over to your grandparents and see you, but then i think about how awkward it'd be for both of us. Don't think that I hate you. I don't. I want to see you too, but only if you are comfortable with the idea. I've been praying for you alot.
I want to develope a friendship with you if you'll let me.
Sincerely, Kenni