2004-03-13 at 5:03 p.m.
I met this wonderful guy this past week. My friend, Chrystal, invited me to visit her for spring break, so, with parents' permission, I went. I had a wonderful time. While I stayed with Chrys, her brother's friend walked in. He's on spring break from college fifteen miles from where I grew up. "Whoa! I didn't know you had company! Chad, I'll come back later." Chad, Chrys's brother rose up. "Don't worry about it, dude! She's only my sister's friend!" Only a friend, eh? "Yeah, Kurt! She's visiting for the week so if you wanna see my brother this week, you'll have to see him with Kenni around!" His face lit up. "Your name is Kenni? Tha's an interesting name. How did you get it?" All I knew was that my parents gave me the name Kennistal Marie. I didn't know where they got it! I never asked. "I'm not sure. Kenni is short for Kennistal, my given first name." He smiled. "Well, Kennistal, do you mind if I take you out tomorrow evening." Chrys gave me a wink, and Chad smiled. "Sure. I guess." And he took me on a date! It was remarkable! He asked if he could hold my hand while we watched "50 First Dates" and then he asked me if he could kiss me. I told him I wasn't comfortable kissing someone I just met, and he smiled. "Kenni, one day, you'll be comfortable enough. Don't worry about today." He gave me a hug and told me he'd call Chrys's later. I smiled and walked inside. I felt like I was on air! It was so incredible. He loves God, and he's not looking for a serious relationship. He told me that friendships were more important. And when he called? He talke about the most incredible things like the flaws in the Big Bang theory, and the incredible cinetography of The Passion of the Christ. He said that he'd come visit my parents to introduce himself as a friend, and then... maybe... he'll become more. I don't want to rush things, and eventually I'll tell him all about Mike, Paul, Zeth and Joe.
On our date, I got lost in his deep blue-green eyes that glistened in the starlight, yet were vast beyond comprehension. His dirty blond hair was swept to the side and I thought about life... Like with Mr. Right that I'm not even sure I've met. I gave so much of my heart to Joe, Mike, Paul, that now I'm guarding it very closely. I'm terrified that I'll tell Kurt all this stuff about my past that any boyfriend of mine should know and he'll hand it back to me and say "Sorry, Kid, It's not ripe." I am terrified of the risks that any new relationship will take, and yet, I want to know him, deeply, and I want him to be happy.
Perhaps all this worrying is keeping me on track. I wish I knew the answers to the questions that weigh heavily on my mind.
Until next time (now food calleth my name),